Yet, what breaks you more is when he texts you again after he breaks up with you. A million reasons are raised upon his contact especially if his texts are unclear. On the other hand, if he is actively pursuing you and apologies properly then he is texting to reconnect with you. The male psychology after the breakup is not that easy to decode and he might be good at hiding his true intentions. Nevertheless, here are 14 reasons why he might text you even if he broke up with you:
1. He just needs validation or wants to feel safe again
The moment that he goes through the stages of the breakup, he starts to reflect a bit differently. The nostalgia and post-breakup loneliness and anxiety will accompany him as he processes the breakup. While he is dealing with his inner thoughts and feelings, he starts to search for something that he lacks. If his current girlfriend or other girls who he might be dating don’t offer attention, he will go back to you. He will text you just to feel like his true self once again because only you had that type of effect on him. The main reason that he comes to you is to stop ruminating and feel authentic again.
2. He can’t let go of people easily
When he has attachment style issues or past relationship trauma, he might be more codependent than you. Especially, if your ex has an anxious attachment then he will dump you but he will search for opportunities to get back to you. If he was emotionally neglected in his previous relationships or by his parents, he will need reassurance. What helps you to make a difference is the way he chooses to approach you. If he can’t let you go easily but is still confused he will breadcrumb you constantly. His messages won’t be convincing and when he gets your attention, in the next few days he will just vanish.
3. He is using you to help heal himself
Since he might be feeling guilty about the breakup, he will contact you to just keep communicating with you. Indirectly, he is trying to justify himself by talking to you. If you allow it and you reply then he will take it as a sign that you aren’t on bad terms with one another.
He won’t apologize directly, he won’t be blunt with you. He will try to communicate with you as if nothing happened. He will reminisce on your old conversations or activities. He will use humor to camouflage what is happening and what has happened until now.
4. He wants to manipulate you
A narcissistic ex is texting you even if he broke up with you because he wants to disrupt your peace. He just wants to manipulate your thoughts and feelings so you will think that you lost someone quite important in your life. As a matter of fact, your ex will do it just so you can go back to him. It’s the joy that they find in making you suffer as much as he was or is “suffering”. In general, a narcissistic ex will text you something emotional. He is hooked on his actions and now wants to be seen by you as someone good. His texts will sound something like this: “Hey Mary, you might be very upset with me right now but I swear that I already changed.” “I just want to remind you that you were happier before our breakup.”
5. He wants to apologize for his deeds
If he broke up with you but keeps texting you might mean that he is sorry. Your breakup might have happened instantly and he might have chosen to pull away without a good reason. Now, he might be texting you to connect and start fresh. Yet, to make sure that this is the reason that he texts you, reflect on how and why you broke up. If he broke up over something stupid and now texts you and apologizes and has worked on himself, he wants to be back. Otherwise, just saying sorry and not taking action to change this won’t mean anything.
6. He wants to justify his actions
If you broke up with him because he cheated then he just wants to justify himself and not feel guilty. Now that you’re gone and maybe he isn’t feeling anything for his fling, he will text you. His text might seem heartfelt but he won’t do anything to prove that he is telling the truth. “Hey, I just wrote you to check if you’re doing okay.” “I know I hurt you, but I want to help you to feel better.” In general, dealing with cheating and the aftermath is too much and hard. That’s why you might need the help of a relationship coach that will help you overcome what you’re feeling right now. These relationship coaches are specialized to help you understand your feelings, and improve yourself and your relationship.
7. Now he has realized your worth
If you have moved on and you’re all healed and nourished, your ex will text you because now he needs you. Going through the stages of the breakup he realizes what he is missing. If you constantly had a positive impact on him, then once you’re gone, he will start to value your absence.
His texts will start with “I miss you” “I want to see you.” or “I am not feeling good lately.
I am not implying that these statements or words aren’t genuine. Hence, be careful because if he texts you and he broke up with you doesn’t mean that you’re getting back together.
8. He just wants to keep you around
What a dumper likes to do sometimes, is to make the mistake and still keep you around. He acts like he isn’t sure about his feelings right now and that he is confused but still wants your presence. He just wants to open a conversation with you so he can breadcrumb you and use you for his own good. Especially, a player will keep you on the back burner and will call you whenever he needs you. He will text you late in the night or when he is drunk or horny. His texts will be constructed mainly toward his needs and what he is craving right now. “Jane, I could really love to hear that voice of yours right now.” This type of text is plain and lacks any evidence that he needs you back after he dumped you.
9. He is used to not respecting your decisions
If you broke up with him and he keeps texting you that means he isn’t respecting your decisions. A guy who didn’t respect your boundaries in a relationship will continue doing it even when you break up. Now, his texts will be mainly used to change your mind and your decision. He will state that he doesn’t know what went wrong and he will change for real this time. To be more specific, he will constantly give you false promises so you won’t give up on him for good.
10. He has low self-esteem
He doesn’t feel good on his own and isn’t always sure about the decisions that he takes. Right now, he feels like he made a dumb decision when he broke up with you but he is not brave enough to admit it. Instead of apologizing or working on his feelings, your ex texts you and gives you mixed signals.
His texts will show how disappointed he is in you for not reaching out to him first; He will be needy and unreasonable;
His low self-esteem is a factor in breaking up too and he might have thought that by doing it, he will have your attention. Particularly, he might have thought that he will be loved more if you could miss his presence.
11. He is jealous of you for moving on faster than him
If you are already healed and moved on from this heartbreak, your ex will text you to get you back in the past. This is what a controlling ex would do because now he feels that he is left behind. He just feels like everyone else is going in motion but not him. Now, he might feel stuck and this drives him nuts. To regain joy and happiness again, he will try to hinder your healing process. His texts will be something like this and he might and might not be direct with his words: “You were glowing when we were together.” “I want to thank you for ending things because I wouldn’t feel any better than I do right now.”
12. He is mad at you
He dumped you but now he texted you: What does this mean? This means that he thought that you were going to beg him constantly to get back to you. He thought that you would contact him first and show your love and affection for him. Now, since you refused to do it and chose to work on yourself, he is mad. Because his pride was hurt and he wanted you to still chase him, he will text you. To be honest, he wants to check your pulse and how long you will stick up for him. On top of it all, he will act like you’re still in a relationship and he can have the boyfriend or husband, or partner privileges.
13. He wants to rekindle the relationship
If your ex broke up with you but keeps texting you and slowly starts to reflect on his behavior, he wants you back. Know that change isn’t linear and if he constantly tries to work on himself and connect then that’s good. His text will be well constructed. In this case, he will point out why he wants to be back with you. He will take things slowly and will be consistent with his texts.
14. His ego is bruised
If you broke up with him and he keeps texting you then his ego might be bruised. Even if you gave him closure, he will be persistent to get the answer that he wants and that’s why he keeps texting. For a moment, all of this that he is going through might seem surreal to him. So, if he is used to never getting rejected in life, especially in love, it will be hard for him to accept reality. In this case, his ego won’t let him reflect properly on his mistakes and what went wrong. Moreover, he will be stuck in the past and try to put all the burden that he feels on you.
What to do if a dumper texts you?
If a dumper is texting you, the first thing that you should do is inform him about your stance. Then depending on how you’re feeling and whether you’re healed or not you should continue your No Contact journey. If you haven’t been using it yet then try to distance yourself from your ex. The more you draw your boundaries, the easier it will be for you to reflect, heal and move on.
Get to know his true intentions before answering; Show him your boundaries too; If you are not healed yet, you don’t need to answer or reply to him; If he has a confusing behavior and doesn’t make you feel the same as before, just step out of it. If you are not ready to reconcile but he is persistent and showing that he has changed, have a conversation.
You might show him that you are interested but you need some more time to reflect.
Be prepared for several tantrums thrown at you.
More specifically, don’t jump immediately to conclusions, and don’t let him mess up your healing process. There is always a reason why an ex keeps texting you even if he dumped you. The key to success is whatever reason it is, you should check whether it benefits you or not.
Why does my ex keep texting me when he broke up with me?
Well, your ex keeps texting you when he broke up with you either to reconnect, rekindle your relationship or take advantage. Whatever the reason, the key to this situation is to remain calm and work on yourself. I am aware that’s easier said than done but take one step at a time. Start just by detaching from him slowly. Get rid of things that remind you of the past. Once, you work on yourself and know exactly what you want is easier to deal with your ex. Be bold and never be afraid to choose what’s best for you. Sincerely, Callisto
