A marriage is built on mutual understanding, trust that is carefully built over time and small (and some large!) gestures that makes the other person feel special and loved. But this time and effort should also be persistent and not just something that fizzles out after the honeymoon period.
Top 10 Keys To A Successful Marriage
When you are in the first few days of falling in love, everything is larger than life. You and your partner want everything to be just perfect and romance to be grand and it is already assumed that one will have a successful married life. But it is not that simple. In a marriage, especially one which has completed several years, it is indeed the smaller things and moments in the daily routine that make it work. These small things are something that we easily overlook or forget to take notice of but they contribute greatly to building a successful marriage.
Saying ‘I am sorry’ even if it’s not your fault
Even if you know that it is not your fault, if you apologize just so you can resolve an argument, then you are focusing on the fact that your partner and marriage mean more to you than winning a fight, which will only give you momentary joy. This small gesture is a major step towards having a happy marriage. One of my uncles, a dentist, follows this religiously. He lets his wife win most arguments and says sorry, because he knows that his marriage means a lot more to him than the argument. Forgiveness in relationships is just as important as moving on from the issue at hand. Having said that, it is not that he is always right, but he simply values his relationship with his wife. I am not sure if he does this because he loves his marriage or because he loves his peace of his mind more. Whatever the reason, it has worked, because they’ve been a loving couple who enjoy their time together for the past 34 years.
Saying ‘I love you’ every now and then
While ending a call or stepping out of the house, do you say ‘I love you’ to your spouse? In some marriages it is so organic, it’s almost like it’s subconscious. It takes less than a second to say it, but it only reinforces the fact that your bond is unbreakable and that your love for each other keeps growing each day.
Waking up next to each other and saying ‘good morning’
Last week, my partner slept in the other room because he wanted the fan on and I did not. I told him that I didn’t want him to sleep in a different room and that we must wake up next to each other every day to wish each other ‘good morning’. This is truly one of the characteristics of a successful marriage. A very small yet significant act in a marriage is to sleep and wake up in the same bed. Life is too short to be spending even those 8 hours of sleep apart from each other. Sleeping next to someone you love also improves your overall sleep and reduces stress.
Being yourself
One very important thing that makes a marriage work is being able to be yourself in front of your partner. You should not have any inhibitions about farting, burping, scratching, etc. in front of your partner. If you can’t be yourself, then you’ll always feel burdened by the relationship and soon will start getting fatigued. Yes, marriage requires compromise but one of the top 10 keys to a successful marriage is that one should never shed their own nature. It is only this freedom to be yourself and do anything and everything you want, of course keeping the rules set by you as a couple, that makes the marriage last for eternity.
You make time for your spouse even when you’re tired
One small thing, which I have experienced myself, is when my partner comes out with me even if he has had a tiring day at work just to spend some quality time with me. There have been days when I have wanted to go eat ice cream after dinner and he still makes the effort to accompany me and take me to the ice cream shop. I think that this is very romantic. Who needs a candle light dinner after your partner has shown you how much he loves you through this romantic gesture?
Giving each other frequent hugs for a successful married life
A small yet a very significant moment is when you two hug each other. “As soon as he wakes up, he comes and hugs me, even if we’ve fought the previous night,” says Sherinaz. This is a wonderful gesture. A marriage lasts only if you are friends with your spouse and as friends you need to hug it out after a fight. Why only wait for a fight to happen? No one is stopping you from hugging each other, right?
Paying honest compliments
Appreciation is a big part of having a successful marriage. To avoid having an insecure husband or making your wife too jealous and worried, you will have to constantly reassure them that you love them. Especially on rainy days when everything is falling apart – look into your partner’s eyes and truthfully tell them how much you admire them. If your wife is walking out the door to go to lunch with her friends, a simple ‘You look gorgeous today’ will make her feel deeply loved and happy. Pepper your partner with little compliments here and there to show them how much you love them. This is one of the top 10 keys to a successful marriage.
Doing small favors for them
When your wife hears you say, ‘I know you’ve had a tiring day so I’ve done the dishes already’, it will be like music to her ears. One of the keys to a happy marriage is when a couple wholeheartedly does small things for each other. If your husband has been in charge of the groceries, give him a day off one day and finish up the shopping yourself. This will make him feel appreciated and he will know that his efforts in the household do not go unnoticed.
Actively finding ways to spend time together
Spending quality time together is absolutely necessary for a successful married life. This does not mean you have to plan fishing trips every weekend or have date night twice a week. You might not always have the time or energy for those commitments. But little moments can also be made worthwhile. This is the perfect way to ensure there is love after marriage. Pick up a coffee and a salad and take it to your husband’s workplace to surprise him on a dull Tuesday! Even showering together in the morning can be made romantic and sexy, even if it is just for 10 minutes before you both run out the door.
Being attentive
A lot of times we speak more with our gestures, body language and expressions to give away what sort of mood we are in. The top 10 keys to a successful marriage is being aware of your spouse’s cues. From the tone of your wife’s phone call, you should be able to figure out that her meeting with the boss did not go well. Even when having a discussion, one must have an open mind and ears to the things their partner has to say. A successful married life lies in the little things that you do and pick up on to care for someone. For a successful marriage, you do not only need to do big things together like buying a house or having babies and raising them. The small things of your day to day life can keep your marriage full of richness and joy. To me, the smallest but most significant thing of all these days is to put your phone away when you are with your partner on the dining table. Try it!
