Prachi Vaish says: Dear Stressed Out Wife, Forming a new family, while the old one still hovers on the periphery, is indeed a tricky situation, especially when there are children involved. You know what happens – sometimes when partners get out of the marriage and all the pressure and commitment obligation is lifted, suddenly they find themselves enjoying each other’s company because now they don’t have to be someone else for the sake of their partner and they enjoy being themselves. I think this is what your husband is experiencing when he says his wife has become his “best friend”. There is no denying the fact that he has chosen to make a life with you now and that he has a commitment towards you to make you feel welcome and a part of his life. At the same time, they have shared years together and have a common past with two children to continue to bind them. These are both facts that need to be balanced tactfully. Here’s what you can do:
Tips to improve your second marriage
- Try and develop a friendship with his ex-wife and get closer to his children. This way you will stay clued into their plans and if you can actually strike a good friendship, she will herself start to set up boundaries with your husband because women respect the boundaries with their friend’s partners. Try and make this a genuine friendship and not a fake one.
- Instead of trying to cut down on his time with them, try and make more opportunities for you and him to spend more time together. Try new activities, new trips, new hobbies. Remind him of how fun you are and why he married you in the first place. Create your new memories instead of trying to replace old ones.
- See a marriage counsellor who has experience in “second chance marriages” and who can teach both of you skills to balance the new life and the old one. All the very best! Prachi
