It might seem quite simple but there are a few rules and philosophies to follow so you can be successful. The first thing that you should do is understand male and female psychology. A man is designed to feel and think differently from a woman. Hence, what impacts how he will react if you don’t text him depends on his attachment style and personality. Sometimes, not texting him will hurt him and feel unappreciated and he won’t text back. That’s why you need to learn his texting pattern first and then give him space to find himself in the relationship! Here are 11 different situations, to illustrate when this theory works and when it won’t work:
1. When you give him space and time to enjoy himself in the relationship
Whether you’re in a short-term or long-term relationship, you need to let your partner be himself. If he feels suffocated in this relationship and you’re constantly texting him and trying to change him, the relationship will fall apart. That’s why while dating you should be careful how you progress and how you reveal your feelings. I am not implying that you need to hide your feelings and be someone else. ~What I am trying to say is that after the first date, the third, or even at beginning of your relationship, don’t rush. ~Texting him first after the first date is fine until you reveal too much of your feelings and jump to a conclusion. In general, a man doesn’t like to rush into a relationship even though they might have liked you a lot during the first date. Be approachable, and communicate your needs and feelings, but make sure to let him lead and express himself too. Get to know more about what a guy thinks while reading this article:
2. When you text him constantly to get his attention
Now if you don’t text him in this case, you will allow him to breathe a little and wonder. Especially, during the first stage of dating when the attraction is being built, you need to let him be attracted to you. How you can do it? Here are two main things that you can do!
- You can be interested in him to an extent. You can let him know that you’re interested and that you like him but don’t be persistent.
- You can get his attention by not texting him too. Just make sure that you’re not ignoring him but you’re letting him have space. Also, you are letting him know that you have your own life and you have your boundaries. No matter how much you like one another, if you keep texting him constantly and liking his posts or pictures, he will withdraw. Sometimes less contact means more. You need to do it on the right amount.
3. If he is genuinely interested in you
Text him if he is genuinely interested in you. There is a type of guy who gets the ick if you don’t text him and he keeps pursuing you. It’s not bad if you play hard to get but trying so hard all the time will make him tired. He wants the same amount of interest and love that he gives. Because then if you don’t text him, he will think that you’re not interested and he is trying in vain. This type of behavior can give him the wrong impression and it might look like an unrequited type of love.
Get to know him to step by step and what type of attachment he has. Show your interest too by initiating texts and taking a step forward.
Don’t let your pride and ego lead your actions in this case.
4. He is an alpha male
If he is the alpha man, he is used to providing and protecting. It means that his masculine side is more dominant than his feminine side. He likes to lead the relationship and if you’re constantly in your masculine realm then he will pull away. In this case, don’t text him because he will text you.
I am not implying that you should never text him but you need definitely to let him lead. Also, in this type of relationship, you need balance but the masculine side should be shown more by him than you.
An RP relationship means that you need to act according to your gender roles. If you need to understand more about what type of a male he is then it’s better to get the help of a relationship coach. They will help you to define your and his traits too so you can form a better form of communication.
5. When he is more invested in the relationship than you
If he is the one that is constantly trying to make the relationship work then text him. You should keep texting him to enhance your form of communication and reflect on what is missing in your relationship. You need to show your indicator of interest if you like or love him too. Text him enough to provide him with solutions and work on your relationship. If you really feel that this relationship is going to work then you should show that you’re invested in it too. And, texting is one of the forms that show it. So, text him because when he is invested in your relationship more than you do he will text you. He won’t play mind games to make you love him or make the relationship work. True feelings are rare to find, that’s why you should text him too!
6. When you had a bad fight
So, in this case, don’t text him. Give him space to process everything that is happening. Even if you hurt him, don’t text him so he can deal with his feelings first then with the relationship. Texting him will only make him confused and ever hurt him more.
If he is the one who has hurt you then it’s better to not text him because you’ll put him on a pedestal. Now, you will make him the main character in your story. You will give him the upper hand and he will use it to control you.
Now, he needs to work on himself, and being constantly in his presence will make it worse. You don’t need to text him because when he’s done going through the stages of the breakup, he will text you.
7. When he is a fearful-avoidant
If you don’t text him then he won’t text you. That’s all because of his attachment style and that he will never initiate contact. I know that this might seem like you’ll be always the one that will contact him first. But, in this case, you need to show a little bit more effort. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to contact you or give the same effort as you.
He won’t text you because he is afraid to get used to the amount of love that you offer. The moment that a fearful-avoidant gets used to love, he feels like it’s time to step back.
Now, if you don’t text him, he won’t text you and maybe a beautiful relationship would be lost because of it.
8. When he keeps ignoring you
If he keeps ignoring you then you don’t need to text him. He might be ignoring you for different reasons but detaching yourself from him will make you even more mysterious. That’s what will draw him toward you.
If he constantly had your attention then he is sure that you will keep contacting him again and again.
When this pattern is broken then he will start to wonder. Even if he didn’t have a great interest in you until now, this is the moment that you will trigger his feelings. You might think, yeah right but doesn’t this seem like a manipulation? No, it might look like it but this is some type of warning and attention trigger. When you’re not in his sight, he will start to wonder about your presence. You’re not ignoring him, you are just setting your boundaries.
9. When you want to check if he is interested in you
Well, not all men make the first move. Sometimes, being the first one to text him first doesn’t do harm. As soon as it’s a simple text and doesn’t feel like a paragraph of desperation, you’re good to go. Especially, if you never met this guy in your life and you just started to talk to him only online.
Text him first to let him know that you’re interested in him too. If you don’t text him then maybe he will never reach out to you.
That would happen for many reasons. He might be afraid of rejection or he might think that you’re not interested in him the same as he is.
10. When you want to make the relationship progress
It’s different when you want to make the relationship progress rather than pressuring him. It doesn’t mean if you initiate texts to check up on him or plan a date that you’re pressuring him. If you text him always first, you want to control what he feels and thinks about then that won’t work. He won’t text you back if he feels that you’re manipulating him into liking you. Remember, a guy likes consistency and showing interest. What he might not like is to be 10 steps forward and want to progress the relationship more than he does.
11. If a guy gives you his number and doesn’t text you
If a guy gives you his number and doesn’t text you after, he might be doing it for different reasons. He might have lost interest or is waiting to know if you’re interested in him too. Nevertheless, the time duration plays a huge part in whether you need to text him or not. It’s true that when a guy is interested, he will text you at least during 24 hours. Hence, if he is shy, an introvert or a bad texter then it might take him more time to text you. In this case, you should evaluate your first interaction too. If a guy didn’t text you because he didn’t know what to say, there is a lost case for both of you. If you gave him your number first and he didn’t text then you don’t text him either.
What happens when you don’t text first?
There are a bunch of things that will happen if you don’t text first. There are more pros of texting him first than cons. If you text him first you will know whether he shows the same interest as you.
The problem is if you text constantly first and then will slowly withdraw because he knows that you will always initiate the conversation. On the other hand, a guy might get the ick if you are doing more than he’s doing for the relationship.
Either way, it is better if you initiate contact because you will never know how he feels. For many years there was this type of taboo that women don’t text a man first. Well, we don’t agree with this kind of theory. If you text him either on his phone number or on dating apps, he will appreciate it. It doesn’t downgrade you a bit, it only helps you to face reality. He will either show interest or not. Just make sure to send flirty or funny texts that will get you a reply.
Will he care if I don’t text him?
Yes, he will. Either if a guy is highly interested in you or merely, he will notice it and care to some extent. Indeed, if you don’t text him, you will create scarcity. Every man wants attention and when you don’t text him, he will notice for sure. What one should state here is for what reason will he care that you didn’t text him?
If he is interested in you and wants to date you, he will care for that SMS of yours. You might think that not texting him will make him miss you more. Yes, it will but it will also send mixed signals.
Showing a lack of interest doesn’t impress a man. You don’t text him if you have been in a situationship or he considers you just a fling. Make sure to know your worth. I can understand that is hard for you to not text him but take just one step back. When you don’t text him, his unconsciousness will be immediately triggered. Now, you’re not putting him on a pedestal and revolving your life around him. If he is interested in you and wants to create a relationship, he will text you.
What to do if I don’t text him but he won’t text me?
What you should do if he won’t text back after you don’t text him depends on why he didn’t text. Ask yourself first. Maybe he isn’t interested in you, he might have met someone knew, or is going through some personal issues. Also, a few guys think that texting while dating isn’t a good idea.
- First, focus on yourself. Is there anything that you can do to nourish and improve yourself? Indeed, there is always something that we can work on ourselves, especially while being in a relationship. If you were the reason that he isn’t texting then you will try to interact with him differently. If he has lost interest then you should focus on moving on. On the other had, if he won’t text because he is mad at you and expects an apology from you then you should reflect. Try to reflect on your relationship and what type of impact you had on him and ask for forgiveness.
- Avoid overthinking and focus more on living in the moment. If you don’t text him because he never or rarely initiated a text then you should slowly detach yourself from him. It’s hard to face reality but once you take a step back and realize your worth, you will think differently. When he is not interested in dating you exclusively then even if you don’t text him, he won’t text back. And that tells a lot about him, you, and your interaction.
Final Results
The psychology of don’t text him, he will text works seldomly in practice. You don’t text him when he shows you mixed signs or when you want to enhance your relationship. Yes, a relationship can be enhanced also by allowing your partner to work on himself. Allowing him to reflect on the relationship doesn’t mean that you should ignore his texts or him. It means that you maintain a healthy form of communication. You just need to show the same amount of attention or try to know more about his attachment style. While you’re in this process, do not dare to lose yourself because it happens. Remember, scarcity or ignoring your date or partner over text isn’t always the key to make him miss or love you more. Sincerely, Callisto
