As we bask in the joy and sunshine of love, compassion and contentment we do not realise that it takes a concerted effort on both the man and the woman’s part to keep it alive. The most corrosive elements of a deteriorating bond are distancing, rudeness, complacency, public shaming and critical behaviour. If you have the tendency of pushing someone away in a relationship then you could be self-sabotaging your relationship too. How do you know if you have the pushing away psychology? Read on.
15 Ways We Push Love Away Unconsciously
A relationship should be treated as an artwork in progress where you have to paint, sculpt, varnish and put in all the effort to make it look beautiful. If you do not put in that extra effort to make your partner feel special and end up doing things that hurt them or make them feel unwanted, then you push love away. You could love your partner dearly but with your behaviour and your lack of effort you could be pushing love away even though in your heart of hearts you want it to stay. How do you actually land up in such a sticky situation where you have the love that you want yet you push love away? Here are 15 ways you could be doing it unconsciously.
1. Ignoring his words, calls or delaying response
This seems like an innocuous fault and we don’t even realise that this causes a great rift in any relationship. Children and pets also react badly to this phenomenon called ‘distancing’. The husband tries to talk to you or the child is tugging at your dress or your cat is caressing your legs, but you fail to respond, or pretend not to have heard. If it seems like a silly flaw to you, be warned you may be pushing your loved ones away. If you don’t respond to a text or don’t call back it leaves a deep impact on the person.
2. Displaying greater regard, delight and warmth to others
Many couples engage in this petty and childish behavior especially after a fight. If your spouse is mature enough, he will realise that your actions are harmless. You may never know when the tipping point is reached if you continue to fawn over others while ignoring him. It can be pretty dangerous unless you don’t care it can take a turn for the worse.
3. Being a nag
A nag makes for a terrible spouse or parent. If you don’t mend your ways soon loved ones will make themselves scarce as soon as you go on a tirade. Constant nagging not only pushes love away but also leads to relationship failure. It would be nice to remember to change your strategy if people do not listen to you. The near-fatal mistake is to be nagging in front of other people; it will push away love and respect, from your loved one as well as outsiders.
4. Rude or critical behaviour in the presence of others
Criticising seems to be a common bad habit that some folks develop. Whether you are man or woman, one must remember to state a negative point just once and especially with children, do so only if you have 3 nice things to say to them. Criticising in front of others could sound like the death knell of a relationship. Partners who believe in gaslighting or emotionally abuse their partners indulge in cruel criticism. By criticising mercilessly you push love away.
5. Refusing intimacy on flimsy premises
Many women choose the “I have a headache” tactic to avoid intimacy. While it is perfectly plausible when genuine, you will push away love and eventually he will tire of your avoidance patterns. Figure out a middle path to understand his sexual needs, and if your need is just to cuddle or play, you need to talk. One must not use sex as leverage to get even with your partner. Don’t deprive your loved one, he will drift away if you make it a habit to have a headache.
6. Not participating in it fully even when you do
If you give in to sex, but watch TV as he goes down on you or just go through the motions, making it obvious you aren’t that interested and doing it because he asked, he will feel used and unloved with your mercy sex. The same is true if it is the man who is being lazy or using his partner. Not being interested in the spouse’s satisfaction, orgasm or happiness is the stepping-stone to a disaster about to happen.
7. You are too individualistic
Space is not ominous in a relationship but if the gap becomes too wide then it can spell trouble. You could be pushing away love by being too individualistic. You could be giving too much priority to your own likes and dislikes and harping on the need for space. Then are you being the selfish one in the relationship and pushing love away?
8. You push love away by being indecisive
Indecisiveness is a reason for which many people cannot build healthy relationships. As such women have a tendency to give mixed signals to men but if you are expecting your partner to understand what you want without you uttering a word then you are expecting too much. As such you are the kind who can’t make up your mind about anything and on top of that you want your partner to be a mind reader. In a situation like this love will run away.
9. You are scared of commitment
You are always running away from love. You love everything about the person you are dating and you have even moved to exclusive dating but when the question of commitment comes you step back. If you are being a commitment-phobe you are pushing love away and hurting people. You could be developing cold feet when the relationship get’s intense and you instantly push love away.
10. You are too jealous
Healthy levels of jealousy is good for the relationship but when a partner becomes too jealous then it is a surefire way of pushing love away. But it is possible to use jealousy to your advantage and make love stay. Most people make the mistake of letting jealousy get better of them.
11. You always want control
A person’s need for control ruins a relationship but there is no denying the fact that all of us have a controlling element in us. Those who can control their controlling urges thrive in a relationship, those who can’t, push love away.
12. You don’t know how to resolve conflict
Your anger is uncontrollable and you get into ugly fights or if you have a conflict you sulk for days and met out silent treatment. You don’t know how to resolve conflict and stop festering about it. Conflict is a like a ticking bomb that you are sitting on all the time. This is nothing but your pushing people away psychology.
13. You do not maintain hygiene
Personal hygiene is something you do not pay much attention to. But a smelly mouth or armpits are a complete turn off for anyone you date. You aren’t much aware of sexual hygiene and after intimacy you could be making a lot of hygiene mistakes. By not taking care of your own body you push love away.
14. You give too much priority to your family
Sometimes being a mama’s boy could spell trouble for you. If you always listen to your parents before making a decision, are always on the phone with them and always talking about your family, then you could be pushing love away. Having a certain level of involvement with your family is normal but if you are making your family your priority and your partner is feeling left out then you are making a grave mistake.
15. You are always scared the relationship would end
This could happen if you have had a string of failed relationships or suffer from low self-esteem then you are always scared the relationship would end. This attitude has an adverse effect on the relationship. By doing this you are not only self-sabotaging your relationship but also pushing love away. Loving and nurturing loving relationships is not difficult but it needs constant tending, so make sure there are lots of smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses going around in the family. Avoid anger, silences, sulking and dramas. When ‘tender loving care’ is the motto in a family, everyone automatically goes on the happiness autopilot.
