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12 Signs You Are Moving Too Fast In A Relationship
Many people feel that a relationship can’t be fast or slow. It’s about emotions and you have to do what comes naturally to you when you’re in a relationship. This is only half right. You should do what comes naturally to you but if at any point you feel overwhelmed by your relationship, it’s a sign that you aren’t as comfortable as you think you are. Feeling like things are moving too fast is a very natural thing in a relationship and you shouldn’t be afraid of it. On the other hand, you might know that your relationship is moving fast but feels right. This needs to be avoided as well since it can have long-term repercussions. Relationships that move fast are more likely to fail but if you understand the dynamic of your relationship and make changes, then there’s nothing to worry about. So, this begs the question, what is considered moving too fast in a relationship? The key to understanding this is asking yourself, “How long have we been together?” The duration of the relationship is very important. For example, if you’ve just started dating, then kissing isn’t moving fast but moving in together is very fast. Keeping this in mind, here are 12 signs that your relationship is moving too fast:
1. You think your partner is perfect
Let’s start with a small exercise, try listing 5 things about your partner that you don’t like. Were you able to come up with anything? If you weren’t, then you’re in trouble. Every person has things that they don’t like about their partner. Even if you’ve just started seeing one and another, there will always be things that you can’t stand about them. A first date is enough for you to dislike something, it could be as simple as the way they sit or eat. If you think your partner is perfect, then you’re not seeing them as a human. It shows that your feelings are dominating your mind. This is very dangerous. You’ve put them on a pedestal because of your feelings. The day your image of them gets shattered, your feelings will go away too. If you genuinely want a relationship with them, then you need to look past your emotions and see them as a person who can make mistakes, just like you.
2. You influence each other’s decisions
If you have only been together for a month and they are already the center of your universe, then your relationship is moving too fast. My friend, Dayna, is a hopeless romantic and that’s why she has a way of moving too fast in her relationships. No matter what absurd demand is put in front of her, she’ll do it. Once her girlfriend wanted to meet her on a Sunday morning. She lied to her family about being sick to get out of the church, just so that she could do what her girlfriend asked. This isn’t healthy, no matter how long you’ve been dating. If your entire life is shifting just to cater to your partner’s wishes, then you’re too serious about your relationship. You need to balance your life with your relationship. Remember your relationship isn’t your entire life, it is just a part of it.
3. Relationship milestones are getting crossed too quickly
We’re all aware of the milestones in a relationship. The first date, first kiss, first fight, saying ‘I love you’, moving in together, etc. These are all different relationship stages. Once you start dating someone, these milestones are supposed to be crossed gradually as you get to know each other better. It’s like going a level up in a video game because you’re getting better at it. If you’re reaching these key moments in the initial months, then this is a sign that your relationship is moving too fast. For example, moving in together in the first month or having sex in the first week. There’s the possibility that he is moving too fast physically, you may get overwhelmed then. This can damage your chances at a relationship. Men who move too fast in relationships need to be told your side of things. So, just tell him about your feelings and let him know that you wish to slow things down a bit. Your consent is important.
4. Smooth sailing and no fights
This point may seem odd, but trust me, it’s very important. Think back on your relationship so far. How long has it been? A few months. During this time have you had your first fight? Did you have any misunderstandings? If no, then this means that you have been so absorbed in your relationship that you’ve been letting things go too much. There is a chance that you might have found yourself thinking that your relationship is moving fast but feels right. In that case, you might have been ignoring the problems that are there. If things are too smooth, then you haven’t asked any serious questions. You’re going with the flow too much. It’s time to take a step back and talk to each other.
5. No space and no boundaries
When you’ve just started a relationship, it’s pretty normal to want to spend every second with your partner. People in new relationships have a way of giving all their time to their relationship. Women and men who move too fast in relationships get serious too quickly. Even though this is normal, it isn’t very healthy. Getting too invested can lead to your relationship may also be getting one-sided. While you may want to spend every waking moment together, your partner may feel differently. Balancing between spending time together and giving each other space is very important. Another problem with new relationships is that there are no boundaries. When everything is on the table, then the relationship can escalate in any direction. “He is moving too fast physically” or “She is getting too clingy” will start existing because you haven’t set any limits to your relationship. Boundaries don’t decrease the romance; they allow you to grow along with the relationship. Healthy boundaries will look something like this:
Meeting twice a week, not more than thatHaving at least 3 dates in a monthTo never leave fights unresolvedTalk on the phone at a specific time during the dayNo sex till the 6th date
6. You don’t think about your relationship
Starting a relationship requires you to feel attracted to the person. Emotions matter but once the relationship takes off, you need to think pragmatically as well. Your heart and brain are both a part of who you are, so they both need to be in your relationship. The brain tends to lag while the heart goes and falls in love quickly. This is why many relationships don’t “feel right”. Thinking is very important; it is the only way you’ll be able to understand the emotions that you’re feeling. Not to mention understand your partner. If you’re not using your head in the relationship, then it’s a sign that your relationship is going too fast. You need to take a breath and evaluate your relationship. This is the only way by which you’ll understand where your relationship is going? Whether you’re willing to commit and what your next step should be.
7. Having a lot of sex but not talking about it
If you are wondering, “What is considered moving too fast in a relationship?”, then the answer is; skipping all the bases and jumping right to sex. Sex is the final stage of physical intimacy in a relationship. It is a sign that you and your partner trust each other but this won’t be the case if you’ve rushed into it. Sexual intimacy may mean very different things to both of you. There is a chance that the only reason you’ve had sex is that he is moving too fast physically and you didn’t want to mess things up by saying no. There is also the possibility that it is good for you but it isn’t for them. Sometimes you may not even be aware of how you really feel about having sex. If you fall under any of these categories, then it’s a red flag. Don’t ignore it. The best way to understand if your physical relationship is going too fast is by noticing your partner’s behavior toward sex. Are they open to talking about it? Do you guys discuss your likes and dislikes in bed? If you’re avoiding these conversations, then you’re afraid to confront the possibility that your relationship isn’t ready for this level of intimacy.
8. Your relationship is always on social media
Dating these days has developed a dual aspect. One that’s physical and the other that’s virtual. From online dating apps to video chats to texting, things have gotten a lot easier since the internet came into existence. Even after your relationship takes off, it helps with communication. But the biggest pitfall of having the internet be a part of your relationship is the social media platforms. Your social media profile is the place where you can flaunt your relationship but this should only happen once your relationship is serious. If you’ve just started dating and your feed is full of posts about your “boo”, then you’re moving too fast. When you post your relationship on your Instagram or Facebook, you’re telling the world about it. If things don’t pan out the way you had hoped, erasing your relationship from your virtual existence in full public glare can be excruciatingly painful. Always be sure about your feelings before letting the world know of your relationship.
9. Blind trust, you’re an open book
If you’re one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then you probably trust your partner blindly. So, ask yourself What makes you trust them. You haven’t even had your first fight yet. So, what have they done to earn your trust? Just because they’re nice to you doesn’t make them trustworthy. Have you already told them your life story, all your ‘secrets’ and ‘shames’? If yes, then you need to hit the brakes. Your relationship is going way too fast. While trust is important, it needs to be developed over time. Don’t forget that they are still a stranger and you’ve only known them for a few months. Get to know them first before giving them your trust.
10. Overwhelming romance
Romantic gestures are important in relationships. They show your partner how much they mean to you, but these gestures only work if there is an appropriate occasion. Romantic gestures daily, not only decrease their specialness but can create a suffocating environment for your partner. Doing cute romantic things on a date night or an anniversary is expected. But if you’ve only been together for a month then you haven’t had too many of these occasions yet and if you’re showering your partner with gifts and flowers every day, then your relationship is moving too fast. This is usually seen in men who move too fast in relationships. They get invested very quickly and because they don’t know how to express their feelings, they go for untimely romantic gestures. If you’re with someone like this, then talk to them. Tell them that you’re feeling uncomfortable. Talking things out is the only way to resolve this problem.
11. Your goals have changed
Everyone has plans. You set goals to direct your career and life in a certain direction, but these are always you-centric. When you have a serious relationship, it’s normal to think about your partner’s place in your future plan. But this usually happens once you’ve been together for at least six months. If you’ve just started dating and you notice yourself changing your future for your partner, then it’s a sign that you’re getting too serious about your relationship. If you observe this in your partner as well, then you need to re-think your couple dynamic. You might say, “My relationship is moving fast but feels right, so what’s the harm?” The answer is that your future is the part of your life that belongs to you. If you start making plans with your relationship in mind and things don’t work out, then you’ll lose the present and your future. It will be emotionally damaging. So, stop yourself the moment you start imagining white picket fences and suburban houses. Let the future take its course.
12. Losing your identity and making compromises
When you get extremely invested in a relationship, you tend to go with whatever your partner wants. She wants to go shopping? Done. He wants to ‘Netflix and chill’? Done. This is seen as compromising but that’s not what it really is. A compromise is meeting halfway. For example, if you’re dating an introvert, then they’re going to want to avoid going to a public place. They’ll prefer staying indoors and having a quiet night. You, on the other hand, might want to go out to a party and enjoy the music. So, a compromise will be that you go out on a long drive. That way you’ll be able to leave the house and enjoy music, all without having to go to a loud public place. If you’re in the beginning stage of your relationship and you’re already agreeing with everything they say, then your relationship is moving too fast. Don’t start wearing contacts that irritate your eye just because your partner likes you better without your glasses. In the same way that you don’t have to stop having a PBJ sandwich because they hate peanut butter. You cannot sacrifice yourself just to please your partner. Losing your identity in a relationship, especially one that has just started is very dangerous. It’s one of the reasons why relationships that move fast fail. This is everything you need to know about moving too fast in a relationship. If you’ve realized that your relationship is moving too fast, don’t panic. People believe that relationships that move fast fail. This isn’t true. All you have to do is slow things down. If your partner is one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then sit with them and tell them how you feel. They may be a little hurt but tell them how much they matter to you. It will make them feel better. On the other hand, if you’re the one who is moving too fast, then you need to take a beat, pace yourself. Stop feeling and use your mind to analyze your relationship. Zoom out of your situations and try looking at the bigger picture. Hope things work out for you. All the best!
