I sometimes hear the “If he loves you he will come back no matter what!” Well, that’s not true in every situation. It’s not a rule, nor an exception. Sometimes he can love you to death, but won’t accept coming back and reconnecting to start over a new relationship with you. Once he sets his mind to this decision, it won’t matter whether you love him or he loves you. He’ll put the message clear: He’s not returning. What about fewer other clear messages that he gives off when he’s not planning to get back? Well, here are 11 clear signs he will never come back:
1. He blocked you on social media and other communication platforms
If he’s willing to come back he’ll leave a door open, at least for communication. One of the signs that he’s not coming back is if he blocks you on social media or any other app that allows you to communicate with each other (e.g. WhatsApp). Cutting you off from social media and other communication platforms indicates his lack of desire to know what’s going on in your life. This is a bit harsh, but it’s his way of not wanting to keep any connection with you or anything that reminds him of you. He’s very likely to do this once he sets his mind about not coming back to you again.
2. He cut every possible way that could lead to contact
He gave you your things back and he didn’t forget a single thing to pack up. In other words, he got rid of all possibilities for you to find a reason to contact him again. This means he’s shutting every door possible. He doesn’t want anything to do with you or things that belong to you. It’s often seen as detaching from something a person once was attached to. In this case, he’s removing everything that reminds him of the attachment, and everything that could lead to possible communication between you. When a person reacts this way to the relationship ending it’s often a sign of them moving on for good from the relationship. Again, it’s a bitter truth, and it hurts, I understand. But if he’s willing to throw and remove everything that reminds him of you and the relationship, he’s setting his mind to not return.
3. He moved on to another relationship
This one is a little contradictory… If he jumps into a relationship it can also be that he’s hurting after the breakup with you. On the other hand, if it’s been a while since your relationship ended and he slowly moved on to another relationship, then chances are, he won’t return. Keep in mind that he can set his mind to not come back again even if he’s hurting because of the breakup. Whether he’s doing this to hurt you or to heal himself it’s one of the signs he won’t come back. But it’s also a sign that he’s willing to move on from the relationship you had. If it seems he’s moving on quite well without you, it could be because he is, or it could be because he put on a facade to look like he’s moving on. Either way, he’s not giving signs he’s willing to get back.
4. The relationship didn’t end well
Some men do return even after a messy breakup. However, those are rare occasions. A messy breakup is often caused by accumulated resentment between the couple. The resentment is often followed by anger, sadness, and arrogance. It takes a lot of time for those to go away and see each other through a flowery lens. If the trust was betrayed in your relationship, if you no longer trust each other, and if you can’t seem to imagine him not being mad at you after the breakup then he’s not coming back. One of the signs he will never come back is if the relationship left a bitter taste to him. A bitter taste of a relationship reflects a lot on the way that that relationship ends: chaotic and messy.
5. The relationship was toxic or abusive
If there was toxic behavior or abusive behavior once the person who was damaged leaves, there’s no coming back. He will never come back if you tried controlling him, if you were abusive towards him, and if your impact on his life damaged him emotionally. If you continuously insulted each other, if each other’s presence meant burden instead of joy and happiness, then he’s not going to come back. There are various reasons why relationships turn toxic and abusive. However, once they do, they become a difficult path to walk with a partner. He will never return if the relationship was a burden that caused damage to him and if he couldn’t find peace due to that damage.
6. The relationship had come to an end way before it ended
Some relationships show signs they’re over way before the partners decide to part ways. He’s less likely to come back again if the relationship wasn’t something that brought you both joy and calm. Once a relationship comes to an end before partners talk about its ending the relationship seems to lack connection, understanding, compassion, and compromise. Despite the love and passion that was felt at the early stages, the relationship couldn’t have been put together… Despite the good memories you had at the beginning, such a relationship will still leave a bitter taste. If the spark was lost long ago and there was no longer any connection and understanding left between you, then he’s very likely to not come back.
7. He’s determined in his decisions
A person that’s determined in their decision is very likely to take their time before making a decision. However, once they make that decision, they make up their mind on it, and there’s no turning back. If he’s the type to be determined in his decision, the type that’s stubborn no matter what, and the type to easily shut down anyone/anything in his life, he’s not coming back. His strong determination in decisions is one of the signs he won’t get back and will raise the chances of you never getting back together. Especially if he was the one to make the decision to end the relationship.
8. He’s strongly keeping the No Contact rule
When he’s strong with his No Contact, it means he’s either very hurt from the breakup, or he’s not planning to get back with you ever again. I feel heartless for being so brutally direct, but it’s better to know what’s really going on rather than having illusory hopes for something that’s never going to happen. When he’s strong with the No Contact, he is, in a way, vanishing from your life completely. It seems like there’s no way you could reach him through any platform. You can’t know where he is, you don’t see him at places you went together, you’re getting radio silence from him. This is a stronger indicator that he will never come back, especially if it’s been too long since the last time he spoke to you: I’m talking months and months of no contact.
9. He doesn’t check your social media
He’s not looking back at anything that has to do with you, it’s a sign. It’s a sign indicating he’s set his mind to get over you. Whether he misses you during No Contact or not, he’s willing to stay strong with it and not turn his head around. You’ll know he’s checking your social media if he’s looking at your stories; if he’s liking, or in any way reacting to what you post on your socials. If he doesn’t check any of your posts it probably means he’s not checking your profile either. He’s vanishing from your life through vanishing from yours. When he’s not willing to deal or recall any memory with you, or at least give you signs that he’s missing you, he’s ready to move on and not come back again. Of course, there are exceptions, but generally, this represents the rule: if he vanishes for good, he’s gone for good.
10. He ignores your texts/calls
Ignoring one text or call is enough to tickle your imagination if that’d be his intention. However, ignoring more than one text/call is giving you a clear message: He’s not coming back. This is one of the most significant signs that you’re not getting back together again. Not initiating contact is one thing, and ignoring your initiation of contact is another. The former indicates he’s not willing to start something, while the latter is purely refusing. It doesn’t take too long for a guy to realize he misses you after a breakup, so if you called and he didn’t respond multiple times, then he’s probably over you. Take it as a strong sign, especially if he doesn’t reach back to you after he “missed a phone call” from you.
11. Your gut feeling is telling you: he’ll never get back
Your gut feeling is often spot-on if you sense it correctly without any illusionary hopes or feelings intruding into play. If your gut feeling is telling you he’ll never get back, it’s probably right. I talk with a lot of women on a daily basis, and I’ve come to the conclusion that gut feeling is rarely wrong when it comes to this. When they felt he was not returning, he didn’t return. If you have a feeling he will come back then he might just come back because you’ve known him, you’ve shared experiences together, and you somewhat know how his logic works. On the other hand, if you strongly feel he’s not returning, he most probably isn’t. Again, you’ve known him, and you can tell what’s obvious when it comes to his behavior. So, what’s your gut feeling telling you? Will he come back?
He’s just pulling away without any particular reason…
Breaking up entirely, and slowly pulling away are two different things. If he slowly pulled away without making his intentions clear about why and how long is that going to last, then the same signs that he’s not coming back apply to this situation as well. Chances are slightly higher for him to come back if he pulled away due to the fact that none of you got closure. Guys don’t always come back when it comes to relationship endings. However, a lot of guys come back under particular circumstances depending on how the relationship ended, how you reacted afterward, and the relationship you shared with each other. If he’s practicing most of the signs he will never come back I mentioned above, then he’s probably not coming back. With that said, we need to tackle another thing!
What to do if he won’t come back?
You’re left in this peculiar situation you (perhaps) haven’t been before. No directions, no clue whatsoever on how to respond or how to react. Well, that’s not your fault. Usually, it’s the other way around, it’s men wanting to get back, sometimes desperately. We sure do know the directions in those situations, at least some of us… How about this situation. What do you do once you find out he will never come back? Here are 5 things to do if he won’t come back:
- Do not try to get him back: no calls, no pictures, no social media posts “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. I don’t care whether you want him back or not, once he’s not coming back, you need to stop trying to get him back. You’ve expressed what you felt, you tried enough. From now on, it’s best that you do justice for yourself and let it go. Stop calling him, stop messaging him, stop posting things that you think will convince him something you want to convince him. None of it is going to work, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been doing so. He made his decision, now it’s time to make yours.
- Go back to yourself: Forget him, get back yourself! Don’t dwell on the things you did wrong and what you should’ve done better while with him. That’s not going to benefit you. It’s healthy to let yourself experience pain and grief, but it’s not healthy once you’re letting it define you as a person. Get back to yourself, reflect on what you did wrong, and how you can improve in future relationships. I know this feels like forever, but it’s going to pass. You’ll be looking back at this moment while feeling calm and peaceful at heart.
- Surround yourself with genuine people: Relearn the feeling of being loved and taken care of. Sometimes after an ex-partner refuses to take us back we start convincing ourselves that we’re not good enough and that we’re not worthy of love. That’s why surrounding yourself with genuine people who genuinely care about you is a good idea. You’ll start letting go of the idea that you don’t deserve love, and you’ll slowly relearn what it’s like to be loved and taken care of. Good people, good times. Trust me!
- Exercise: It’ll do good things to your body, and it’ll reflect amazingly on your mental health. In such situations, a lot of energy gets stuck because you don’t feel like getting up and doing anything besides crying and eating chips while watching rom coms to remind you of your ex. You need to release that energy. All it takes is you to get up, and at the very least go for a walk, stretch, or do at-home-yoga. By the end of the exercise, you’ll be feeling a lot better and a lot freer from the overwhelming state of mind you were in a day ago.
- Practice activities you love: Besides taking your mind off of him, it’ll help you feel productive and expand your ability to create. After a breakup, it’s normal to feel like you’ve lost sense of purpose. However, you don’t want to let that feeling last too long and weigh on you for a long time. Doing activities you love will help you get back up, and once again sense purpose and self within you. You’ll feel and recognize yourself while you’re capable of living your life without him. In a few words, you’re showing yourself that you did things before you met him, and you’re still doing them despite him not being part of your life anymore. What are you waiting for? Get up.
Wrapping up: sings he won’t return
You can tell if he’s over you by looking at the way he responds and reacts to you and the memories connected with you. You’ll know he will never come back once he shuts every door that leads to you two contacting and reconnecting. It’s important to accept it and return to yourself without making any further attempts to convince him to return. He’s gone, but you still got yourself. You still have so many beautiful things ahead of you. Warm hugs, Callisto
