As per research by Tim Cole (2001), 92% of individuals admit having lied to their romantic partner. Many chose to withhold information or tried to avoid certain issues altogether. It is said that individuals are more likely to fool you when the costs involved become prohibitive. There are people who choose to take advantage of the faith you place in them and use love as a weapon to hurt you. More than that, they believe that it is okay to fool you because it’s your fault for not having figured it out yet. When someone thinks they are fooling you, their confidence in turning things in their favor goes up sevenfold and that’s when they make a mistake.
How To Tell You’re Being Fooled By Someone You Love
It does hurt being fooled by someone you trust. Though it might not be a common occurrence, it isn’t too rare either. The first thing to do in order to identify that you’re being fooled by them is to know the parameters of your relationship with this person – be it your friend or lover. Chances are they’ll always choose a grey area to define your relationship, for there’s something they’re after. Here are some of the possible reasons you’re being fooled by someone you love.
For your money: They are with you for your money. You’ll only see them around for fancy dates or meetups, extravagant trips, and expensive shopping sprees, or they’d be missing in action.For your reputation: Such friends or your significant other choose to hang out with you because of a reputation that follows you around. They wish to access your contacts and want to tag along to the places you visit. They do make it obvious though, hence this plan can backfire when you are being deceived by someone you love.For sex: Such a lover is only with you for sex or a friend-with-benefits relationship. As you get to know the truth, you are bound to feel immensely hurt, being fooled by someone you love and who you thought loved you back
Below, we have a list of red flags on how to tell if you are being fooled by someone you love. Watch out for these.
1. Emotional distance
While your lover or friend might say things like “I love you” or “I’ll be there for you”, you find these words to be in vain. Somehow you find something amiss in their behavior, they’ll keep their distance even though they claim affection for you, and that instinct rises in your stomach when someone you love lies to you.
2. Over-loving you
In contrast to the previous point, when someone is trying to hide something, they might overshadow it by expressing more love for you. When you are being deceived by someone you love, they might shower you with extra love and care in order to hide their guilt. When you eventually get to know the truth, you begin to ask yourself how to trust someone again after the lying and manipulation.
3. The pretense is sevenfold
When you are being fooled by someone you love, be prepared to watch a performance. Whether it’s about being in love with you, how much they care about you, or how much they wish to be with you, the pretense of their emotions is a master game they have been playing with you for a long time.
4. It hurts being fooled by someone as they constantly lie to you
It might be out-of-date today to ask your partner about their whereabouts, but if they lie to you about it, they surely have something to hide. Also, when someone thinks they are fooling you, they choose to fill in the gaps with concerns that didn’t even exist in the first place.
5. They blame you for everything going wrong
The moment you choose to confront what they have been doing, they’ll find a way of blame shifting everything on you. They’ll tell you how they had always planned things the right way but it reached this stage of deception only because of you. There are a lot of ways to find out how you are being fooled by someone you love but the question is: What do you do after you get to know this aspect of your loved one?
What To Do If You Are Being Fooled By Someone You Love – 10 Steps
On a personal note, once, I was being fooled by someone I love for monetary gain. While I was blinded by the love I had for the person, the person eventually chose to dodge me the moment he got what he wanted out of me. I was deeply hurt being fooled by someone I trusted so much, which is why I wish to suggest an ultimate road to recovery if you too are being fooled by someone you love.
1. Be true to yourself
No matter how hard it is to accept what has happened to you, even after you loved them with all your might, be true to yourself. The longer you stay in the delusion that you are not being deceived by someone you love, the more harm the person would be able to cause you. When someone you love lies to you, you surely shouldn’t be lying to yourself about accepting i
2. Gather proof when someone you love lies to you
If you can, gather proof of what they’re doing. Collect it for the right moment when you feel it’s okay to ask them about it, and more importantly when you are prepared for the blow.
3. Confront the situation
Rather than continuing to give the benefit of doubt to your partner, ask them the right questions as per the situation. Honestly, either you prevent your heart from life-long scars. Or you’ll have a life-long partner who loves you and understands that you were just being cautious of being fooled by someone you love.
4. Speak your mind
Once you’ve confirmed that you were indeed being fooled by someone you love, the next question that tampers with your heart is how to trust someone again after lying. In response to that, be truthful to your partner. Tell them how they might have scarred you. If they hold themselves accountable and make amends, see if you wish to stay in touch with this person and rebuild your faith, or let them go.
5. Move on with your life and learn how to trust someone again after lying
Sometimes the best revenge you can have from someone is no revenge. The simplest and the most peaceful thing you can do for yourself is to find ways to get over the love of your life. It is not easy to accept when someone you love lies to you but keeping your best interest in mind, that’s exactly what you should be doing.
6. Choose your self-worth over hating them
Do not give the person so much importance that you continue to feel anything for them, not even hate. This is the point where you need to prioritize yourself and trust your growth. Keeping yourself first would give you the right kind of peace and help you recover from being fooled by someone you love.
7. Don’t pressure yourself to heal quickly
Once you are hurt being fooled by someone, you begin to believe that it was somehow your fault. You might have done something to deserve what your partner did and coming out of that mind frame takes time. Don’t pressure yourself to get back on your feet at the earliest, rather, take your time. Spend time with yourself, pamper yourself, and make yourself believe that this wasn’t your fault. But above all, heal and stop feeling sorry for yourself too.
8. Talk to someone you trust after being fooled by someone you love
You might not want to share what has happened with everyone fearing the judgment they might pass on you, but you can surely unload your worries on a confidant you trust. ‘Trust’ might be a difficult word in your dictionary after being fooled by someone you love but surely, we all have a fallback system and that’s who can help you find yourself again.
9. Don’t let them back in your life
Chances are a person who has tried to fool you in your relationship, will try to fool their way back into the relationship too. You’ll need to hold your ground and survive their attempts at trying to mellow you down. You don’t need to know how to trust someone again after them lying to you, because you shouldn’t let this person play with your vulnerability anymore.
10. Forgive them, and yourself
The prime act of recovery after being fooled by someone you love is to forgive them. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened or letting them back in your life, but it’s a way of ensuring your mental peace. Holding a grudge can weigh you down.While you choose to forgive them and let go, choose to forgive yourself too. Do not burden yourself with the responsibility of always being cautious or protecting your heart with defense mechanisms. Getting hurt is inevitable when love comes into the picture. All you can do is embrace it with all the hope you can hold in your heart. In conclusion, it surely isn’t easy to repair yourself after being deceived by someone you love but you can always try to get up, dust yourself off, and walk with your head held high because, at the end of the day, it was their loss. You were a good friend or a partner to that person. They made their own choices, none of which were in your hands.
